5. Nobody is the best version of themselves when they date
By inviting users to explore a world of infinite choice without any consequences, is it any wonder that it’s so difficult to find someone who is interested in the hard work of an actual relationship? Anyone you meet on a free app has been trained to believe that there could always be someone better just a click away.
The moment they decide that you are not perfect enough for them, their interest in you fades and they have clicked on to the next person.
Picture sitting down for a drink or dinner for the first time with someone you met on an online dating site.
The “get to know you” questions that are meant to provide a glimpse of whether you’ll be a fit, and the pressure of knowing that if you say the wrong thing it will derail everything.
By the same logic, the same holds true for everyone you date. Yet none of us seems to stop us from going out on these awkward, not-fun, misery-inducing dates in an attempt to find a compatible partner.
The best version of you is usually found when you’re a) not feeling stressed or worried about being judged, and b) doing something you actually enjoy.
6. Fakes and phonies
Considering that most fake profiles are created by scammers and criminals seeking to steal from the people they meet, that’s an astoundingly high percentage.
Would you even leave your front door if you knew that 10% of the people you’d be likely to meet was looking to steal from you?
OK, but what do we do about it?
After all, we know that a growing number of people are finding success when it comes to searching for a partner online. Online dating might be broken, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t find the person you’re looking for. You just need to use a different approach.
There is a solution to each one of the issues I’ve outlined above. If you adopt an approach that addresses each one, you’ll give yourself a great shot of finding the right companion.
1. Filters don’t work … so stop filtering
Challenge some of the assumptions you hold about the sort of person would could be a compatible match for you.
Do they really need to live right around the corner? Or is it enough that they’d be willing to travel to meet you?
Do they really need to have a professional background? Or is it more important that they are interesting and fun?
Do they really need to be five years younger than you? Or is the main thing that they young enough in spirit to do the things you want to do?
If you start to remove some of the filters you’ve subconsciously applied to the sort of person you are looking for, you will find you increase your chances of success from one in a million to something far the once more reasonable.
2. Don’t “date”
Instead, simply get yourself out there doing the things you love. And put yourself in an environment where you meet people who love those things too.
That way, you’ll stop judging people by what they say about themselves, and judge them based on what they do.
Talk is cheap, and anyone can say they like dancing, going for long walks, or abstract art. But if you get out there and get engaged in an activity that you like, you know that anyone you meet there is going to share those interests with you too.
That’s one of the reasons we made activities, events and suggestions such a core part of meeting new companions on Stitch. If you attend a Stitch activity, or suggest something you’d like to do, you’re guaranteed to meet someone who likes it too.